Thursday, January 31, 2013

Week 4 Reflections

It has been a few weeks since I stopped and wrote my reflections. While I can sit and type that it is because I was too busy, the truth is that I have had a heart full of fear...

My days have been much easier. The beauty of a good routine, as well as the assistance with housework from the boys, has helped smooth the originally rough days. But during these last few weeks, my mind kept coming back to a personal quandary, and my spirit has felt uneasy.

Thankfully, there was an answer, and it is simple and clear. I came to it while reading and pondering a situation that had been bothering me, and after I decided to do more scripture searching on fear:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. ~2 Timothy 1:7

 So true, and how powerful! But wait, there's more!

The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid? ~Psalm 27:1

The truth is, in this day and age, there is a lot to fear! Shootings, health concerns, economic woes, it can all pile up and make a perfectly reasonable person want to hide! I have been dealing with a specific concern, which is not particularly important to discuss, but has helped me get a better picture of fear- one that I never really needed to think about before...

I have a strong testimony that God lives, and I have many tender mercies that have proven that He is watching out for us. So, I do not fear for our future on this earth.

I know our Savior lives, and His atoning sacrifice will allow families to be together forever. I have comfort that even if we are parted in this lifetime, my family will be together again.

Living on our limited income for the last year has taught me how to really stretch a budget. I know that we will be able to get buy, no matter the income, and I have faith that God will provide. I am not afraid of the economy.

And yet... I had a problem... it weighed upon me... festered... brought anxiety and unhappiness...

Something had to change...

I was feeling pressure.

Pressure from the world. Pressure from the culture.


Pressure to change how I do my housekeeping. Pressure to change how I work with my children. Pressure to change my methods.


I realized I had a serious weakness- my weakness was this new found fear. A fear of something in the world! A fear of external influences attempting to beat down my door and enter my home! A fear creeping in, and weakening me...

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:25–27).

Fear is not something that is absent from our scriptures. Fear is mentioned several times! But there is comfort also. Using my weakness, and giving my fears to God, I can be made strong!

My personal fear can be summed up by saying that I felt like a square peg in a world demanding I fit into a round hole...

It had bothered me for weeks.

And then my mind remembered this beautiful quote:

"You always, if you are faithful in the Church, will be much different from the world at large." - Boyd K. Packer 

And I instantly felt better.

I am not afraid.

I am strong.

I am prepared to continue to do what is best for my family, and I know what is best because I am following God's voice. 

In a world that offers thousands of experts, opinions, thoughts, and viewpoints- each with his own voice- only one voice matters. And I am following Him. So, there is no more fear. There is only joy and celebration! There is happiness, peace, and love- and it is accomplished with prayerful consideration and humble learning. I will continue to listen to Heavenly Father, and following His plans for me and our family- and I will not apologize for it. No- I will celebrate it!

Those are my reflections. Four weeks in, and going strong, honey!

On a side note: I have been in school for four weeks and have maintained a 4.0 (term is already 25% done!). The boys are continuing to progress in their homeschool lessons, and our reading challenge is going really well- we love books! The house is clean, the fridge is full, and our home is warm and pleasant. I have lost 8 pounds, and am taking good care of my health. Carter is writing chapter books. Harrison is creating daily art. I nap when Seraphina naps. I play with the boys. The children all play with one another (all three!) and when they all laugh together it is the most beautiful sound on Earth! We have tickle fights, we have giggle-fests, we have movie marathons. We love life! The last few weeks have been particularly excellent, and our stress level has been exceptionally low. We look forward to our move, and we look forward to our vacation. Carter talks about his birthday. Harrison talks about stuffed animals. Seraphina has started to occasionally say "mama!" So, life is pretty darn good- even if we are square little pegs =)

1 comment:

  1. Be strong! :)

    What an uplifting post! Thank you for sharing the thoughts and feelings you've been having and sharing the 'pressures' that have been put upon you, whether by yourself, others, or just the world in general.

    It's heart-warming to read about the fun you're having with the boys. I miss them so much. It was so neat to hear they were playing with the basketball hoop and ball I sent in the care package. Carter passing to Harrison (who was standing on the table) and the Harrison making a basket. Teamwork!

    I'll bet this was a nice post to write. I am happy for the calm you found in scripture. :)

    Love you!