Saturday, June 30, 2012

Remembering Christ

After three weeks of bed-rest, I am now back on my feet! I have a new practitioner and she is wonderful- I feel very fortunate to be so well cared for, and I am so thankful to live in a nation providing healthcare for people in my situation! I am going to be seen weekly, because contractions are still ongoing, but as long as I don't go too crazy I am able to be active! My time on bed-rest was well spent, with reading wonderful books provided by excellent friends (Melissa, Joni, Desiree, and Menolly- thank you!!!) and crocheting my first real pattern (Menolly helped me!). Being off bed-rest is wonderful news- and I have celebrated by taking walks and spending time splashing in the pool with my family! (Harrison went off both the low and high diving boards! Carter has been jumping off them for a year now, but Harrison has now became skilled enough to jump too!)

Harrison on the low dive, jumping to me. Carter almost in the water from the high dive.

Harrison jumped off the high dive! (He is mid-air!)

My first pattern! I made baby booties! Yarn, small hook, and lessons provided by Menolly! I made these while watching Murder She Wrote episodes on my inflatable mattress- bed-rest was no picnic, but having excellent friends, an attentive husband, and great hobbies really helped!

Also on our updates: we are moving! We put in our 30 days notice, last week, and we will be heading out in July! Where? Um... not sure yet. Kurt has an interview on the 11th for a company here, he was called and told he was still a front-runner for the job in SLC, and we have been very generously offered a home on Kurt's family's farm in Iowa. So, really we have no idea where we are going. We are leaving because we knew it was unwise to sign a lease here, and our old lease is up, so- off we go. While the prospect of a move is always somewhat exciting, we admit that this is mostly stressful because we will be just 6 weeks from our little girl's arrival- and trying to transfer health care and state aid, while finding a doctor within that short time will be difficult. (All in addition to trying to unpack and get settled.) So, we are trying to stay calm and relaxed as best we can, while we pack and get ready to go... to wherever we are going....

Speaking of our little girl's arrival- I admit to having a mild breakdown today...

My husband is amazing. Really, he is. During my bed-rest he cared for our home and children, while trying to find a job- he was Superman! Now that I am able to move around more, he tries to find creative ways to pass our down time. While books, movies, and family life have mostly kept our minds busy - we have managed to keep our whits pretty well mostly by distractions... until today.

It is not a secret that we have to be careful with what little money we have left. As it is, we will be selling our second vehicle to pay for our move and deposits and rent to wherever we move. While I can generally try and reassure myself that things will be okay, I cannot help but feel panic over our lack of "necessary" baby items, as the days keep flowing by. To think that in just 71 days our little girl is due, I find myself in a bind. We cannot spend money, but at the same time, we have so very little for when our baby arrives... it is a scary place to be. I am so thankful we bought her car seat early in the pregnancy- that is really the most necessary item- but even with a whittled down nursery list, we have so very little and no real resources in which to procure things.... so, I freaked out. Kurt and I talked. We expressed our sorrow for this situation- we understand that for whatever reason this is necessary, and we have faith in God that this will be for our long-term good- but right now, it is almost too stressful. It upset me enough to leave me crying for over 90 minutes straight, and it was stressful enough that Kurt went to bed early with a horrible migraine (thankfully the kids were happy to play Legos in their rooms during this ordeal).

Once I had finished my cry and managed to climb out of my puddle- I started to read. I am reading a book that Joni lent me called Fishers of Men. In the book, some men are discussing Jesus. One of the men was recalling his night spent as a shepherd, and the experience of an angel coming to him and his brethren in the fields. The man was explaining the miracle of what he saw, and the humble beginnings of the Savior of the World. I cried again, this time, ashamed. To think that Jesus- the King of Kings, Savior of all, Lamb of God, came into the world in a humble stable, was wrapped in swaddling clothes, and rested His holy head in a manger- I was overcome. No one on Earth has given more to humanity than He did, and thought He was received with love and adoration, he did not arrive in comfort. I cannot fathom, at all, Mary's stress at that time: being in labor, nowhere to go, nothing to provide but love and nurturing, married to a humble carpenter- and yet, we do not read of Mary's worry- we read of her bravery. Mary did not fret about trying to provide a layette. Mary was not concerned about a crib. Mary did not murmur about not having a breast pump. Mary did not cry about not having nursing pads, bottles, diapers, mittens, socks, slings, swings, or toys. Mary was strong and brave- and knew better.

So during this time, I will remember Christ. I will remember His humble beginnings, and His situation. I will be comforted knowing that He would have me be strong during this time, and that things will work out.

I am thankful. I am blessed. I know this is stressful, and I know this is hard- but I also know it is for a reason. I am not sure of that reason now, but we have never had something like this happen without being able to look back and say, "Ahhhh, that worked out for our good!" So, while we anxiously await our little girl, we also await the day we can reflect upon this time and see The Master's hand at work for our good. 

Thank you, again, for the dozens of prayers that have been offered on our behalf. They mean so much to us, and we greatly appreciate each one of them. While this is going on, our hearts are not blind to the suffering of others- and we have the families affected by the fires and floods across the nation in our prayers.

*****UPDATE: I posted my feelings and concerns in my online facebook birth group, and within hours had offers for newborn baby clothing. I am so thankful for this- I feel so very blessed. I have never been on this side of help, and it is a humbling experience, but it is also beautiful and wonderful in its own way. I am so very thankful =) Right now 100% of our daughter's clothing has been given to us- Kurt's mother sent us a few sets of beautiful baby clothes, and my wonderful friend Cari sent us clothing for when our baby gets a bit bigger- through the generosity of others, our little one is being provided for during our time of need. We are so thankful for this help, and we cannot express it enough =)

1 comment:

  1. Thankyou for sharing, God is awesome and will provide , its not always easy to rest when you have the stresses you do. You are an amazing mom, wife , friend and much more.