I woke at 4am. I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. I cuddled with my husband for a bit and then went downstairs to be alone with my scriptures.
I know I am blessed. I know it. I have a wonderful life, and we are merely experiencing a setback. But still, there is internal nagging. There is creeping fear. There is shaky uncertainty. There is confusion.
As I open my scriptures, 1 Corinthians 14:33 reminds me,
...God is not the author of confusion, but of peace...
So I wait.
I will wait, I will read, I will ponder, I will pray. And just as Psalm 121 suggests,
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
This is temporary. From an eternal prospective, this trail does not matter at all. What does matter, however, is how we will handle this trial.
I need to stop the mental nagging. I need to stop the fear. I need to block the uncertainty and confusion. I need to turn to Christ and feel His grace and peace. With Him I will find rest.
After reading my scriptures I turned to one of my favorite uplifting websites: Women Living Well. It was there I found this:
Have you ever laid in bed awake at night and wondered – Why me? I don’t understand these circumstances God? Have you ever felt like a failure – like the rest of the world has it figured out and you are the only one who just can’t seem to pull it together? Your will and determination just simply aren’t enough? Your 2 year old won’t let you buckle them in the car, your 3 year old bites, your four year old hits, your 10 year old struggles with reading, your teenager is defiant, or your grown child is making poor decisions and you sit there helpless.
Ecclesiastes 8:14 says “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth; righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve.”
Have you ever seen a mom of little ones dying of cancer, a young child’s life snuffed out in a car accident, a noble man losing his job while a wicked man succeeds. Do you look around and ask what’s up with this lopsided world? It doesn’t make sense?
Solomon, the wisest man on earth admits in Ecclesiastes 8:16 and 17 there are some things we will never understand on this side of heaven. He says “When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man’s labor on earth – his eyes not seeing sleep day or night – then I saw all that God has done. NO one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.
No amount of lost sleep can help us comprehend what God is doing. Though we can put entire libraries on a tiny micro-chip – our human minds will never be able to solve the mysteries of God’s works. So what do we do?
“Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7)
See the full blog post here.
I will cast my anxiety and follow a simple plan:
1) I will support my husband by helping him remember how wonderful he is.
2) I will do my job as homemaker, wife, and homeschooler. I will freelance write when I can, but remember
my job is first and foremost to be my family's greatest earthly helper.
3) I will find beauty in life, every day, and I will make it a priority to help my family see that beauty as well.
4) Each day I will have *something* fun or enjoyable planned for us to do together. Dollar movies, trips to
the park, picnics, an afternoon at the pool- something to help remind all of us that life is fun and
enjoyable. We should embrace this extra time together that we have been given, and each day I will
come up with small ways of doing that.
5) I will keep my faith, and become stronger than ever. I will continue to thank God for all He has given us.