Sunday, September 25, 2011
I have been having a private struggle with something. I have only told 4 people, one of whom is my husband, about this struggle. Today, while in Church, I was able to witness a tender mercy of my very own.
Struggles are never easy- even if we are faithful. When struggles are deeply personal, and stir old feelings, they can be painful and difficult to handle. As much as I write in blogs, I am a pretty private person, and I don't generally share the pains that are closest to my heart. I do, however, reach out to friends that I feel would offer helpful insight or uplifting council during these times. During this struggle I have often turned to scriptures like, Psalm 34:19 which says, A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. The scriptures have brought me comfort, but could not solve my problem.
In my struggle, I reached out to a dear friend of mine, and she wisely offered comfort, and added that she would seek helpful suggestions on my behalf. She talked to me a week later, with some very wonderful ideas on how to solve my issue. Trying them, however, I was met with failure. Frustrated and in need of help, I turned to another friend- this time looking for a way to (in essence) run away from my problem. My friend offered basic truths- this was not a problem I could run from consequence free, but she offered to help me nonetheless. Feeling backed into a corner (running away was not a good option) I reached out to my third friend. This friend lives in Utah, and is very very very very very very very busy. I wrote to her, and while I waited for her response I kept searching my scriptures, journaling my innermost thoughts and feelings, and praying for help.
A few days later I had a beautiful dream. I woke from the dream with a clear understanding of what needed to be done. However, my heart was still heavy. Just in time I received a response from my Utah friend. Her message was so beautifully and truthfully simple, and it came with a movie recommendation** (bonus!). I picked up the movie, had a home-date with Kurt, and felt much better about my decision.
Enter tender mercy (as if I hadn't already been given so many!). This Sunday I went to Church, and right after our Sacrament Meeting I was asked to meet with our Bishop. His words were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. His kindness, and his loving concern were EXACTLY what I needed, and were miraculously spoken on the topic closest to my heart! At one point, I started crying, and I apologized for him having to meet with me- but I expressed gratitude- surely one of my friends had called him on my behalf and had told him of my problem, because everything he said spoke to my deep inner struggle! He looked confused for a moment, and then smiled- no one had called him, he simply followed his prompting, exactly when he felt the time was right, and the topics of discussion were what he felt impressed to say. AMAZING.
My heart is full, and my head clear. As beautiful as all of these helps have been, I do understand that none of these things could have happened without my willingness to try and work things out for myself. Knocking, and asking for Heavenly help, had to come from my desire for assistance and not from a desire to sit in my personal emotional puddle (don't get me wrong, I wanted to do that! I wanted to sit, tell the world about my issue, and complain until everyone felt sorry for me... but, where would that have gotten me?). To my children- please learn from this- you must knock!
What was most amazing about this experience was that the perfect words from my Bishop only came after I had decided to do what was right. The Bishop's holy words were Heavenly confirmation that I had done the right thing, and my faithfulness was rewarded with a beautiful blessing. And, my decision to do what was right only came after study and council. There was some beautiful work done here, and I am very thankful for it. I am thankful for my friends, who offered help when I needed it, and offered prayers on my behalf. I am thankful for my Bishop, and his wonderful use of his Priesthood and position. I am so thankful for Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ- and the magnificent work they do in our lives each day!
** The movie was 17 Miracles and was totally amazing. It was a very humbling reminder that whatever struggle I am going through is pretty small compared to what many others have suffered. It was relevant to my personal struggle, so it spoke even louder to my heart- but it is definitely a movie I would suggest anyone see!