Thursday, April 2, 2015

We lost our baby.

We lost our baby. We found out for sure yesterday. Our hearts are heavy, but we question not the will of God. Our grief is tied to our earthly plans for our family- and God's plans are of an eternal perspective- there is no way to know the purpose of such things. I do, however, have nothing but faith that God needed this to happen for some reason- and I am honored to be a part of His plans in any way. I love Him.
I am a member of an online non-denominational Bible group called Good Morning Girls. I am so thankful, in a way, that I was a little behind on my scripture reading for that group- because this morning I was able to catch up. I think I needed that extra time today. In the dim dawn hours I read and before I knew it an hour had passed. Psychologists call this "flow" - where one becomes so engrossed in an activity (usually one that is enjoyed) that time just seems to pass without notice. Indeed- I enjoy spending time with Jesus, by reading His holy words.
I love the scriptures. What beautiful blessings, promises, and comforts are there.
I stopped at Matthew Chapter 26. I am going to read that with my family today. Today is the day Jesus suffered in Gethsemane. He suffered things incomprehensible to me, for the sake of us all. God knows suffering and pain beyond any scope I can even fathom- and He knows how losing a child feels. My little baby was still comfortable and warm in my body- and passed away feeling safe, loved, and wanted. Jesus had no such earthly comforts in His passing. I can only begin to imagine that pain. The things He suffered are just... it makes me cry just thinking about it. I ache for Him. And knowing He did it willingly... There are no words to express my awe, gratitude, sorrow, and love.
The support shown to us during this process has been extraordinary. For a long time our culture has had a tradition of waiting to announce a pregnancy. Why? Because of loss such as this. Kurt and I do not usually announce our pregnancies this early, but we did this time. I was 7 1/2 weeks. WHY did we announce now? Mostly because we did not want anyone worrying about my health or worrying they could catch what was making me so ill. When we learned we lost our baby my heart turned to the children who knew we had been expecting. What a horrible blow. I felt awful I told them. 
A dear friend of mine told me to stop. She told me there was a teachable moment in this grief. She told me they, as a family, are working out a way for their children to process this. She told me not to feel sad I told anyone- to feel sad about the loss. She is right.
Tuesday a neighbor watched my children so I could go to the doctor's office in quiet. Another neighbor made lunch, and brought us dinner, so I could rest. My Visiting Teachers just happened to stop by, and they brought little toys for the children, and brought dinner the next day. The next morning a friend brought over warm banana nut muffins. Then, my neighbor watched all of my children so I could go to another appointment out of town. That same neighbor had a delicious hot lunch waiting for me when I walked in to collect my children. Dinner was brought to us that evening, complete with dessert, tearful embraces, and emphatic pleas for us to call if we need anything at all. Dinner is provided for us today as well, as is some light entertainment for the kids. My 6 year old neighbor girl asked me what she could do to help me feel better. When I had no answer, she offered to do my laundry. SIX years old, and offering service to another. I wish words could express her beautiful little face. She looked at me as if she was searching my soul for some need she could help fill. 
Mosiah 18:8 tells us to mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. 
The support we have been given is nothing short of extraordinary. We are so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family- both in-person and on-line- who have prayed for us, thought of us, and offered us kindness and love. Regardless of location, religion, or family situation- people have shown us such compassion. It has been beautiful, and I feel so comforted.
Thank you all for your prayers and support for my family. You are wonderful. Every single message. Every single text. Every single prayer. Every single thought. Every single gesture. Wonderful. We are so grateful. Thank you.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Back from Mexico!!! (told in pics)

Oh, man! Vacation was SO fun- but sheesh, this food poisoning thing needs to end soon.

I feel so icky, I can't even sleep. What should I do now?

Oh! I know! I will unpack the little stuff! Kurt hates the little stuff! That will make him super happy if it is all done before he wakes up!

Awwwww! The family boarding passes! Such awesome keepsakes! I will file these in the scrapbook!

             Wait a minute here......

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...... 6!?


Yes! SIX!

SO thrilled to announce our newest travel companion! Arriving late fall 2015!

Well, what do ya know?! It isn't food poisoning after all!


Monday, February 23, 2015

February is almost over!

It is cold. No, not like, "Oh yeah, look at that- it is cold! Let's hope it snows so we can make a snowman!" I mean it is like, "Holy crap. It doesn't matter if it snows or not, it is too cold to go make a snowman!"

0 degrees, and I don't want to know the wind-chill temp. Cold.

But... sunny! So, that is awesome!

I got my hair cut today! It feels AWESOME. Totally needed it done. I have not had it cut in like... psh... a year? Two? Seriously, it might be almost 2 years... maybe less, but it was at least a year ago because I haven't had it cut since we moved here. That is nuts! It was so long, and not in a cute I was growing it out kind of way, but more like a is she a member of one of those religions where you cannot cut your hair kind of way. *There is absolutely nothing wrong with such religions.

(This is a pic of the haircut. I already LOVE it! This picture does this cut no justice. When did my eyes get so green? I swear they are getting greener each year. Anyone else have color-changing eyes?)

Yoga this week was good, but not as good as I am betting the yoga will be this coming week. My hubby is out of town for 6 nights- I have a feeling I will be bringing a lot to the mat while he is gone. Just in day 1 and the kids were bonkers. The little tykes do not do well with big changes and out-of-town daddy.

And the Oscar goes to... (I did not watch all of the Oscars- it was just too political. All I cared about were the outfits anyway...)

Pose: This week's winner is Balancing Butterfly. What a cool pose. Seriously, what a neat pose. Just so cool. Love the feeling on my feet.

Video of the Week: Another Adriene video! This one is Yoga for Bedtime (and where I first saw a pose similar to the one above- only the one in the video is supported- so do not fear!)

Best Sequence/Additions: This bedtime restorative sequence. You might be thinking, "What is with all the bedtime and sleep stuff here, lady?" Well- I am an insomniac. I get it from my dad. It happens fairly often and is chronic, with the worst periods coming in cycles that last a few weeks. It usually starts with one bad night and somehow creates havoc for a couple of weeks after. So annoying. Herbal teas, essential oils, and some bedtime yoga help- anything catch more Zs, right? Kurt being gone hurts it too, as our toddler LOVES midnight snuggles- but midnight snuggles keep me awake until 4am... this leads to a pretty sleepy homeschooling mom. Not a good thing. So, the fact that I started this latest insomnia cycle even before Kurt left is no good, and now do not have the evening support I am accustomed to having! (Kurt knows how bad this can get, and often will try hard to arrange for me to sleep as long as possible to try and break the cycle or at least help me get a bit more rest- but with him gone all that is gone too!) No, I will not take meds. I used to, but after talking to my pharmacist (pretty sharp guy) I decided meds are not the answer and stopped taking them a few years ago.

Physical Benefits: Totally forgot to weigh myself, so I have no idea on that one! I am sleepy. So that is a good thing- I can log off and sleep!

Soundtrack Song of the Week: Such Great Heights (just love this song! It is old, but good!)

Monday, February 16, 2015


I have totally cheated the last two weeks. I have no idea why- but I was just done. I would literally do ONE pose a day, so I could say I did my yoga... but it was such a cop out!

I could sit around and be angry with myself, or I can choose to recognize that for whatever reason I needed to take a break. I am okay with that. Could I have handled it better? Could I have been more motivated? Determined? Disciplined? Yes. But- this is not a sprint- this is a marathon... and maybe that was the time I needed to reset my pace. So, for whatever reason (seriously not even interested in analyzing it), I took a break. But- the last three days I have been back on track and feeling really good about it- so I am choosing to focus on that =)

Also, about mid-through January, I noticed I had stopped losing weight. What's up with that? I speculated on increased muscle being heavier, not drinking enough water, etc. I figured I would just give it some time. However, as the weeks passed I was getting frustrated. No, I am NOT doing this to lose weight- but I sorta thought it would follow as I was more active and eating cleaner. I finally ended up posting for help in an online health-group, and one of the members pointed out I was SERIOUSLY missing fats from my diet. I mean they were almost completely absent. I was not intentionally forgetting to add fat- I just wasn't thinking of it. I was juicing a great deal (mostly veggies), and would have nice big salads for lunch- but because I was short on time/energy I would forget to add some avocado or some homemade dressing- so I was just eating a giant pile of more veggies. While this may seem really healthy- the truth is that MY body doesn't react well to things like this. My body has issues with absorbing fats already (my cholesterol was usually around 125, even while eating the standard American diet full of processed foods, fast food, fried foods, etc- at its highest it was 155, and that was while I was pregnant) so by removing even more fats I was doing myself a HUGE disservice. SO THANKFUL to have the internet and health and nutrition gurus at my fingertips!

I started remembering to add my fats- oil to the pan, side of avocado, fish oil, nuts/seeds, even some dark chocolate... and guess what?

We are now -5.

I know that is not a huge amount, but I am happy to have discovered the problem and been able to adjust my diet to fix it. No wonder I didn't feel like doing yoga. I sorta didn't feel like I had the energy to do much of anything! Well, that is solved now! YAY! *I am not saying this was the cause of my yoga-rebellion, but it does make a bit of sense.

Pose: Vajrasana I love this! I struggled with this a great deal last month, but kept trying- and now can be in this pose very comfortably. Happy =)

Video of the Week: Yoga for Cramps/PMS (yoga for ladies!)

Best Sequence/Additions: I was researching headstands, and I found information on some issues with anatomy. Sometimes a neck may be too long to be comfortable in a headstand- and when I read that I was like: YES!!!!!!!!!!!! It seemed like no matter how much I pushed out of my shoulders my neck still felt a decently large amount of pressure. I attributed this to my weight, but even as I increased my upper body and core strength I could not overcome the problem- even when I was pushing WAY out of my shoulders. A few articles suggested that it may be an issue with neck length (I do have a long neck), and recommended some support under the arms. I added a blanket under the forearms and elbows and BAM- no more pressure! It was so great!!! I found I am now able to hold the pose even longer, and even more comfortably. Wonderful!

Physical benefits: the yoga for cramps really helped... and that is as much as I will say about that...

Soundtrack song of the week(s): Truth.   This is my new favorite song ever! I save this for my hardest poses- and it just helps me groove along. LOVE!

Saturday, February 7, 2015


January is over. Yup, gone. I will be honest- that felt like it went fast!

This month was really awesome. Knowing I can set a goal and stick to it- pretty neat- especially when the goal involves _doing_ something instead of just abstaining from a bad habit (my usual goals).

I tried hard to think of something profound to write about month 1, but in truth I didn't have any extra thoughts beyond what I already shared.

I will say this: I realize now that my practice- and most things in my life- are between 70-90% mental. The physical aspects of many of the poses are challenging, yes- but they can be built up to. I found that my attitude, thoughts, and determination level all mattered. And, once I realized this, I found it extends far beyond my mat. I know that many (most?) people already know the power of a good attitude and positive forethought, but I had never extended it into so many parts of my day. For example: I am an introvert. I enjoy peace, quiet, and alone time. I homeschool my very active children, so sometimes peace and quiet is hard to come by, and I tend not to schedule things because when those moments come I need to grab them and recharge. However, one week in January was particularly busy- but because I shifted my attitude and dove in with enthusiasm and optimism, things worked out really well! **I did have to recharge later that weekend, which was a bummer to my family, as we use weekends for family stuff- so having that much scheduled during the week will not be happening a lot, but it was good to know I could do it- and do it joyfully!

Good month. =)

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Week 4

It has been 4 straight weeks of yoga. Wow, amazing- go me! I have had times where I did yoga often, but I do not know if I ever did it this many days in a row (I am probably wrong- just never did it consciously).

This was actually the hardest week. I am not sure of why. I just felt blahhhhhhh.

Saturday night I did yoga with a friend- that was awesome! She was so sweet, she let me lead us- it was a really cool experience. If we ever live in a more metro area, I can see myself taking teacher trainings. It was really awesome to share a practice.

I do not really have much to say this week. Weird.... maybe? I don't know. I mean- I feel good. Settled. Calm. Don't feel like I have any big unfinished business hanging over my head- so that is nice.

This week's highlights:

Pose: Camatkarasana, or "Wild Thing" pose (aka flip dog). This pose is just FUN! As soon as I got into the pose I couldn't stop smiling! It was a great feeling! My cat was sitting directly next to me when I did the first side- and it was really neat. I don't know- can't describe it. Just a neat moment between me, my mat, and my cat.

Video of the Week: I only did this video this week, so I guess this is the winner. I do not foresee myself doing the video again- it was just too... blah... I don't know... boring? Standard? To be honest, when I am doing my bare bones home practice, it looks a lot like this video- so maybe that is why this didn't appeal to me as much. I don't know...

Best Sequence/Additions: I did some sun salutations and then did this sequence from Yoga Journal. LOVED it! It was lots of fun, and there were poses that I do not normally incorporate in my home practice. Good stuff.

Physical Benefits: Energy levels are up, and I am feeling a lot stronger. My skin is clearer than it has been in years- but I am not sure if that is the yoga, or the cleaner eating. Overall I feel amazing, so that is good!!! -2lbs

Soundtrack Song of the Week: Cough Syrup